...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
