i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
