Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
