whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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