just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
