Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
