I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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