I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i dont even know how to be here
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
