we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
