i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
my liver is dry heaving
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
