i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
