No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
