I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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