Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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