Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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