I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize