Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
