You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
