this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
