So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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