we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
