I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
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