In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
