I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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