My hair reeks of homosexuality.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
