Say something about gay babies.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FOUND THE LEGS
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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