I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
