um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
