I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
