I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
He kissed a someone with a penis
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
