I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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