im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Randomize
