I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
