you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
