so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
