Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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