I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
