I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
