omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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