I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
