I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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