I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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