I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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