Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
smell my finger.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
