if you like me you must not know who I am
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
