So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
My cat gives me a boner
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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