hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
