he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
