i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
