Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
