we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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