We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
