My room smells like vodka and shame
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
