he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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