Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
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yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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