i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
