Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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