are you so shy because you have an std?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
