Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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