1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm sobbing to NWA
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
