Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
