Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
