I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
