what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
