Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
