he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
It was confusing and full of hummus
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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