I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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