I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
