good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
