I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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