O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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