you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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