Cold hands, warm shart.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
