just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
