I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I need a burrito and a hug.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
