my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just pynch a tree in the face
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Man, jail baloney is awful.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
