Plan B is the new Plan A
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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