You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
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The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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