we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Vodka?
Forever.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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