she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
