Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize