Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Your penis caused this!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
